Float

In mocking imitation of the tides,

Cue the faltering of my feeble lungs 

I am in companionship with clouds. 

Footsteps, that rattle my soul,

Due to the pattern of your feet

In mocking imitation of the tides. 

Poisoned with complete incompetency, 

Witness my stuttering spirit. 

I am in companionship with clouds 

Subject to utter betrayal of senses,

Spying through tainted lenses 

In mocking imitation of the tides. 

Slave to the whim of your bittersweet contentions,

Upon four-leaved clovers, at best 

I am in companionship with clouds.

To all that which unendurably I endured, 

Defeated. I now concede, so

Disregard further mocking imitations of the tides, 

Forever, I am in companionship with clouds. 

Waves

I want to see you tear apart at the seams so you'll know how it feels when people pretend they're waves breaking on the shore, pulling and pushing, taking but you're not giving. You've never given anyone anything but heartbreak. 

Bang

I’m a gun out of bullets intent on backfiring, imploding into oblivion, but oblivion would be a satisfying destination because it doesn’t have you in it and all those strings called feelings attached.

Castings.

You’re the newest member of the cast for the play entitled my life where dramatic irony steals the limelight but the curtains call never takes place and I’m left tugging at the heavy velvet, “screaming The End” just like the way you’ve been tugging at my overstrained hearts strings.

Perpetuity

Riddle me this 

Why do we fight?

Though we know how 

To make this right. 

After all this time 

We're still treading 

The same tired circles

While pain keeps spreading

These silences a never-ending 

Soliloquy. 

But,

My ears are tired. 

ECHOES DOWN MEMORY LANE.

ECHOES DOWN MEMORY LANE.

She'd been here before. Her feet tentatively stepped on the faded grey metal of the run of the raised platform. Wind howling in the distance lifted the dried leaves and send them swirling in a flurry towards her. 

"You won't remember me but I'll always remember you."

The image of a face, open and loving, flashed in her mind. The very sight of him sent a jolt of emotions surging through her. Every cell in her being ached with a fierce longing and sense of rising frustration. 

This wasn't the first time Alice had seen this person and heard this disembodied voice. Lately they had been bombarding her frequently, not content to just stalking her dreams but stealing into her waking moments as well and causing her constant torment. She felt as if she was constantly on the brink of remembering something incredibly crucial but like trying to trap air, the minute she tried to hold on to that fragment of a memory, it slipped through her desperate grasp. 

I need to remember. 

I carry the weight of you in my heavy heart. 

Her head ached from her perpetual combing of her shattered memory, there were so many holes and blank spaces that she couldn't help but think that she had been tampered with. Surely feelings this strong couldn't be a mere figment of her overactive imagination. Right? 

Crouching down, she ran shaking fingers over the tarnished, dull metal. Fingers stirring up the dust that had settled there, she bent over it, tears running their smooth course down her pale cheeks. For some unknown reason she felt this press of sadness and the inexplicable burden of emotions she tried so hard to suppress overflowed and spilled out in a rush. Everyday she would return to this place to try to unravel the mystery only to find herself slowly unraveling, tearing at the seams. 

It had all begun a month ago. 

It started with the dreams.

First, every now and then she would get images of places she'd never been to. And then the unknown faces and the voices had started to plague her dreams. Then before she knew it they had stole into her waking moments and she felt as if she was being haunted by memories she never had. Which was too much of a joke for her to divulge to anyone what had been happening. Who would believe her anyway? 

And then somehow she had found her way to this field guided by the multiple flashbacks, she had finally pieced together one bit of the mystery and now here she was. 

The question remained, exactly where was 'here'. 

The result of her incessant puzzling had brought her to this field surrounded by a foreboding copse of trees where a large, really odd and suspicious, platform nestled in the middle of the long stalks of pale green grass. There she sat feeling slightly idiotic. A real sight, crouched over the metal rim of the raised circle, tears streaming from her dark blue eyes, her long black locks a mess around her pale face. 

What had she gotten herself into this time? 

Air-conditioners

Freeze 

Cold air 

Frozen

Cold air

Silence. 

Futility.

When you try your best but you don't succeed. 

11:11 wish me another me

11:11

If wishes truly are granted 

Drowning these voices 

Is all I've ever wanted 

11:15

Sprinting in circles towards the edge of a cliff where free falling in mid air makes more sense than being the bandage to your unmarked skin where perfection is you incarnated and I was only ever a smear on the crystal clear glass of shops that line the streets where the roses strut their exuberance. Interacting with you is playing with fire but maybe even after all this time I like the way you simmer on my skin and the burns you leave behind are the only ways I know how to live my life because it's only always ever been pain and more pain. It's a circle a mean cycle, second best is just something forget-me-nots have to live with because the only way they are remembered is because they are a symbol of things not wanting to be forgotten. Because if nobody really remembers you did you ever really exist? 

11:28

The light from the moon shine through the windows painting a runway of yellow on the wall like the voices in my heart begging you to come back home. When people break like glass and the shards you tread on don’t leave a mark, indicating that drunken brawls bring out what you thought was the best that I couldn’t bear and the sirens are calling again as your feet mimic the speed of a racing car speeding on the road going to nowhere and yet I feel safe and comforted in your presence just like how a leaves on a tree in the strong wind shake and shudder and know that they are dangling by a thread. Looking into your eyes is as if staring down a microscope and wondering how such a specimen came to exist, playing games with never ending processes, writing stories that never end because it’s been made true by your existence, that stories with happy endings are ones that haven’t ended yet but I’m tired and I don’t want to play anymore it’s time for Wendy to leave Neverland and grow up but Peter you never will.

Collisions

Choking on air, reeling

Blindsided

When my affections 

Collided 

With reality.

Ouch. 

Freefalling

Let me freefall 

Into your soul 

Where the light shines 

Bright enough

To burn the shadows 

From my eyes. 

10.56

It's how pills that meant to bring numbness now only cause this shakiness that makes her hands look like branches in a monsoon where the world is upside down and trembling and yet those hands hold steady so many secrets shared in the cover of darkness where the padlocks rattle and Pandoras box opens but hope gets caught in the cobwebs because it never seems to have made it into this world the cars pass the moon still shines but it feels like nothing is the same and yet everything is as it has always been monochromatic and colorful at the same time and she wonders whether insanity tastes as good as the words you said that mark her skin branding themselves into the scarred tissue and that's when she realised that everyone's the same in the end sweet wrappers holding dirt and that she was foolish to ever think he was any different. 

10.50

It hurts too much to remember but asking me to wipe my mind of it is like requesting the sky to turn green it's like trying to go back in time to remind the girl that mouths are houses that hold secrets with no gates or padlocks to keep them safe that your eyes were the perfect shade of trust and your presence brought along the same comfort a mother brings her child that I never had and that the words you spoke gave her a safe place to land that she now knew was just about as true as a sinkhole which leads to nowhere and now as she's lying with her head in the clouds the sky's still blue and she's wondering how it all ended up this way. 

Space

Sorry I space 

A lot 

Nowadays 

Because it

Hurts 

Too 

Much 

To think

Anymore...

Temporary bliss

Words simply

Fail to express

How I feel 

Whenever you're 

Around.

It's just

Happy

And 

Everything's alright.

Just 

For that 

Moment. 

Smiles

Your face lights up with a smile and a warm feeling spreads through her, causing her lips to curl up in a smile too. 

You laugh. 

And she follows suit. 

It's a subconscious game of follow the leader. Only neither of them realise it. 

It's all there in the details. 

She never realised how amazing his smile was, the way his eyes shone when he grinned that mischievous Cheshire Cat grin. The whole world was absent when they were together. It was a curious feeling. Not contentment but something more than that. She felt not only safe but inexplicably happy. 

This connection felt precious. It was afterall, incredibly unique. She'd do anything to preserve it. 

But fear crept into her heart and like everything else in her life, it stained the euphoric peace, tainting the atmosphere. 

Fighting a battle on both fronts became the usual activity of the day. 

The battle continues. 

But then when he smiles...everything's alright again. Just for that moment. Once again the world is silent. 

The lonely bell tolls. 

Hi

1

4

3

Taps

Minus 8

Taps

Hi. 

Gazes

Looking at you

Looking at me 

Looking at you

Look right through me.

"You're spread so thin I can see right through you."

Steps

One step

Breathe

Inhale exhale

Two steps 

Stop.

Turn.

10 steps. 

Absence of Rationality.

A constant perpetual feeling of pain. The sour feeling that permeated her soul and stole away her rationality was slowly ruining everything that she had worked so hard to establish. These emotions that rip and tear through her...would they ever go away? 

This pain is unbearable...