I don't think ill get my hopes up
Anymore
For everything just
Goes out of it's way to screw up.
I'm tired of expecting otherwise
Giving second chances away
I've learned my lesson
In believing what you say.
I guess you've exhausted
All my excitement
Now a blank face awaits
Any prearranged so called special occasions
Because I know
It results in false hope
In the end.
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Lies.
Maybe one day
I'll be able
To learn to detangle
The truth from your lies.
For every word you say
Is fraught with goodbyes.
That are better left
Unheard.
One-sided worries
Caught in a flurry
Of words in a hurry
To go anywhere but here.
Lies.
I see it in your eyes.
I'll be able
To learn to detangle
The truth from your lies.
For every word you say
Is fraught with goodbyes.
That are better left
Unheard.
One-sided worries
Caught in a flurry
Of words in a hurry
To go anywhere but here.
Lies.
I see it in your eyes.
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Unlikely Beauty or Artful Insanity. Your choice.
There's something beautiful about it.
The way of chaos
Of destruction
There's something beautiful about it.
The way black frames
Everything you touch
There's something beautiful about it.
The way pain tears you apart
And wakes you up
Clearing your mind
Stealing away your emotions.
There's something beautiful...
In falling apart.
Sometimes.
There's something beautiful...
In losing control.
There's something beautiful...
In everything you do
The way you can undo
Unravel
My sanity.
So easily.
It's beautiful
And scary
How you can change
Someone so much.
Who are you?
Who am I?
There's something beautiful...
In losing yourself.
Sometimes...I think
Destruction fills me with a sense of peace.
We are all dead here.
There's something cathartic
In feeling pain.
We are all mad here.
But that's okay.
Because it's beautiful too.
"Oh you're in my veins and I cannot get you out."
-In My Veins by Andrew Belle
The way of chaos
Of destruction
There's something beautiful about it.
The way black frames
Everything you touch
There's something beautiful about it.
The way pain tears you apart
And wakes you up
Clearing your mind
Stealing away your emotions.
There's something beautiful...
In falling apart.
Sometimes.
There's something beautiful...
In losing control.
There's something beautiful...
In everything you do
The way you can undo
Unravel
My sanity.
So easily.
It's beautiful
And scary
How you can change
Someone so much.
Who are you?
Who am I?
There's something beautiful...
In losing yourself.
Sometimes...I think
Destruction fills me with a sense of peace.
We are all dead here.
There's something cathartic
In feeling pain.
We are all mad here.
But that's okay.
Because it's beautiful too.
"Oh you're in my veins and I cannot get you out."
-In My Veins by Andrew Belle
Kudos
Slice me to ribbons
And let me bleed
Then stitch me together
And smile.
The way you do
Makes me confused.
It's a never-ending cycle.
///I'm trapped.///
You don't need knives.
To cut me apart.
You're doing so well
All by yourself.
Well...I don't know...
Kudos...
To you I guess.
?
?
!
"Nothing goes as planned, everything will break. People say goodbye, in their own special way."
-In My Veins by Andrew Belle
And let me bleed
Then stitch me together
And smile.
The way you do
Makes me confused.
It's a never-ending cycle.
///I'm trapped.///
You don't need knives.
To cut me apart.
You're doing so well
All by yourself.
Well...I don't know...
Kudos...
To you I guess.
?
?
!
"Nothing goes as planned, everything will break. People say goodbye, in their own special way."
-In My Veins by Andrew Belle
Oscillations
All those oscillations
Between my emotions
Make me go crazy
Because it makes things hazy.
And I don't know what to do.
Between my emotions
Make me go crazy
Because it makes things hazy.
And I don't know what to do.
Friday, September 6, 2013
Friday, August 30, 2013
Differences
DIFFERENCES
Roads get lonelier
Nights get darker
All the contrasts
Start to get starker
Lines are drawn
Territories now marked
Faces become worn
It's just my luck
Roads get lonelier
Nights get darker
All the contrasts
Start to get starker
Lines are drawn
Territories now marked
Faces become worn
It's just my luck
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Lonely Lightbulb
The remaining lightbulb flickered. Casting an oily looking smear of light on the ground as she tottered down the deserted sidewalk. Her heels made loud clacking noises with every unsteady step she took.
The world was spinning.
A gust of frigid air blew down the street, chilling her alcohol warmed body.
The initial high had already worn off and now she just felt pathetic. Dizzy and pathetic. Then again, that's all she felt nowadays. A bitter laugh escaped from her lipsticked lips and rang eerily in the air. One hand clutching the half finished bottle of liquor, the other gripping the front of her thin coat in an attempt to fend off the wind, she knew she was a pathetic sight.
A cry escaped her lips as her heel lodged itself into the crack in the sidewalk causing her to trip and fall to the ground in an embarrassing heap. Not that there was anyone to witness her fall from grace. It was 3 O'clock in the morning and any sane person would be at home sleeping.
But not Aquila Vera.
Gingerly prodding her ankle, she groaned and yanked off the heels.
"Bloody feet killers." She spat and threw them to the side.
She was certainly a very miserable sight.
Crouched at the side of the road with her belongings lying forlornly on the ground around her.
The lone streetlamp flickered once again and looking down she laughed at the ridiculously shaped shadow of herself on the ground. Soon, everything else seemed to be very funny. She laughed at the stupid crack in the sidewalk. She laughed at her heels as the lay on the sidewalk, as if, as if they had committed suicide from the top of some building. She laughed at the wind, howling and ripping through the street. How useless. She laughed at the time. 3 O'clock. Didn't that sound so odd. 3 O'clock. 3 3 3. She laughed so hard her body shook and she wrapped her arms around herself, containing the shaking. She laughed so hard that slowly then more rapidly, hot tears cascaded down her frozen cheeks. Her laughter slowly transformed into tears which streaked down her face as if in a hurry to go somewhere.
Anywhere.
Anywhere but here.
Sobs still shaking her body, she threw herself back and lay on the cold ground with the rest of her items.
Soon enough her tears subsided and she felt truly empty.
Empty.
That's all she ever was.
Her hand found the half-finished bottle of Baileys and lifting herself ever so slightly from the ground, she held the bottle to her lips, threw her head back, and let the warm liquid burn it's way to her stomach.
Once done, she suddenly felt the urge to hurl the bottle as far as she could.
Swinging her arm back, she aimed for a dark corner in the opposite street and flung the dark brown bottle into the darkness. The resulting tinkling crash and the yowl of some unsuspecting feline suddenly rekindled the urge to laugh.
And so she did.
She didn't know when laughter turned into sobs. Or when the sobs turned into a still, frozen silence.
She didn't know anything anymore.
She lay on the ground, splayed out, with her cherry red locks tangled, staining her face with their redness, her skin paler than ever. Glowing in the light of the lonely lamp.
Sleep began to tug and pull at her, like the lulling movement of waves at the shore. Slowly cajoling her to somewhere else.
She gladly followed.
The streetlight emitting a flickering yellow light on the still body of the renowned model, Aquila Vera.
The world was spinning.
A gust of frigid air blew down the street, chilling her alcohol warmed body.
The initial high had already worn off and now she just felt pathetic. Dizzy and pathetic. Then again, that's all she felt nowadays. A bitter laugh escaped from her lipsticked lips and rang eerily in the air. One hand clutching the half finished bottle of liquor, the other gripping the front of her thin coat in an attempt to fend off the wind, she knew she was a pathetic sight.
A cry escaped her lips as her heel lodged itself into the crack in the sidewalk causing her to trip and fall to the ground in an embarrassing heap. Not that there was anyone to witness her fall from grace. It was 3 O'clock in the morning and any sane person would be at home sleeping.
But not Aquila Vera.
Gingerly prodding her ankle, she groaned and yanked off the heels.
"Bloody feet killers." She spat and threw them to the side.
She was certainly a very miserable sight.
Crouched at the side of the road with her belongings lying forlornly on the ground around her.
The lone streetlamp flickered once again and looking down she laughed at the ridiculously shaped shadow of herself on the ground. Soon, everything else seemed to be very funny. She laughed at the stupid crack in the sidewalk. She laughed at her heels as the lay on the sidewalk, as if, as if they had committed suicide from the top of some building. She laughed at the wind, howling and ripping through the street. How useless. She laughed at the time. 3 O'clock. Didn't that sound so odd. 3 O'clock. 3 3 3. She laughed so hard her body shook and she wrapped her arms around herself, containing the shaking. She laughed so hard that slowly then more rapidly, hot tears cascaded down her frozen cheeks. Her laughter slowly transformed into tears which streaked down her face as if in a hurry to go somewhere.
Anywhere.
Anywhere but here.
Sobs still shaking her body, she threw herself back and lay on the cold ground with the rest of her items.
Soon enough her tears subsided and she felt truly empty.
Empty.
That's all she ever was.
Her hand found the half-finished bottle of Baileys and lifting herself ever so slightly from the ground, she held the bottle to her lips, threw her head back, and let the warm liquid burn it's way to her stomach.
Once done, she suddenly felt the urge to hurl the bottle as far as she could.
Swinging her arm back, she aimed for a dark corner in the opposite street and flung the dark brown bottle into the darkness. The resulting tinkling crash and the yowl of some unsuspecting feline suddenly rekindled the urge to laugh.
And so she did.
She didn't know when laughter turned into sobs. Or when the sobs turned into a still, frozen silence.
She didn't know anything anymore.
She lay on the ground, splayed out, with her cherry red locks tangled, staining her face with their redness, her skin paler than ever. Glowing in the light of the lonely lamp.
Sleep began to tug and pull at her, like the lulling movement of waves at the shore. Slowly cajoling her to somewhere else.
She gladly followed.
The streetlight emitting a flickering yellow light on the still body of the renowned model, Aquila Vera.
Tissue Paper
She listened to her friends chattering away, and she tried to force a smile onto her face. Lately it had been getter increasingly difficult for her to pretend she was normal. The emotions that ripped through her made her want to just stop feeling anything at all.
It wasn't hard for them to eventually forget she was there.
Bending down to pick up piece of paper she had dropped, she looked up and realised that they had already moved a meter away from here.
Hayley stood up slowly. The hand that had reached for the paper turning limp.
Again.
No matter how obvious she tried to make herself, for some reason her existence was so pathetically denied each time.
If anyone had asked her what super power she would long to have, she would have said Invisibility immediately.
She used to think that being invisible was a gift. No one would see her which meant that she do whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted.
And yet, if you'd ask her that now, she'd probably stare at you and wonder just what world you live in.
Why would anyone long for a 'power' that they already have?
Perhaps invisible isn't the right word, It was more of the super ability that enabled her to blend in effortlessly.
It was then she realised that just because you wished for something, doesn't mean that you would enjoy it once you got it.
Maybe...maybe sometimes when you get what you want, you realize that it's not really what you wanted after all.
Snapping out of the thoughts that burned through her mind, she noticed that they were a good four meters away.
Okay.
That's okay.
Hayley slowly reached into her bag and fished out her iPod. Same old same old.
That's fine.
Plugging in, she cued a list of music and collecting her thoughts and things, proceeded to make her way home behind the people who had forgotten her existence.
That's okay.
It wasn't the first time anyway.
Rearranging her features into the blank, calm mask that she wore at such times, she suppressed her emotions and let herself drown in the beat of the music.
Everything that kills me, makes me feel alive.
It wasn't hard for them to eventually forget she was there.
Bending down to pick up piece of paper she had dropped, she looked up and realised that they had already moved a meter away from here.
Hayley stood up slowly. The hand that had reached for the paper turning limp.
Again.
No matter how obvious she tried to make herself, for some reason her existence was so pathetically denied each time.
If anyone had asked her what super power she would long to have, she would have said Invisibility immediately.
She used to think that being invisible was a gift. No one would see her which meant that she do whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted.
And yet, if you'd ask her that now, she'd probably stare at you and wonder just what world you live in.
Why would anyone long for a 'power' that they already have?
Perhaps invisible isn't the right word, It was more of the super ability that enabled her to blend in effortlessly.
It was then she realised that just because you wished for something, doesn't mean that you would enjoy it once you got it.
Maybe...maybe sometimes when you get what you want, you realize that it's not really what you wanted after all.
Snapping out of the thoughts that burned through her mind, she noticed that they were a good four meters away.
Okay.
That's okay.
Hayley slowly reached into her bag and fished out her iPod. Same old same old.
That's fine.
Plugging in, she cued a list of music and collecting her thoughts and things, proceeded to make her way home behind the people who had forgotten her existence.
That's okay.
It wasn't the first time anyway.
Rearranging her features into the blank, calm mask that she wore at such times, she suppressed her emotions and let herself drown in the beat of the music.
Everything that kills me, makes me feel alive.
Trapped
Harsh branches
Whipped her face
Scratching and scarring
As she continued to race
Through this maze
This tangled forest
She so longed to raze
To the ground.
Stinging of words
Like poison that burnt
Through skin
Like onion-paper
So thin.
Searing like razors
Through her skin
Leaving it's mark
Scaring within.
And yet, she stayed.
For otherwise
She would be lost.
The feel of his eyes
Branding her skin
As she ran
Through that maze
Without any plan
Of where to go.
This forest
Once vibrant and bright
Now dead.
Like the light
That fled from her eyes.
Trapped in this game
Running round in circles
Prey to maim.
That's all she is.
Just how.
How do I leave.
What to do now.
Now that I'm so far in.
Sucked into this trap.
'Hate is spitting out each others mouths, but we're still sleeping like we're lovers.'
STILL - DAUGHTER
Whipped her face
Scratching and scarring
As she continued to race
Through this maze
This tangled forest
She so longed to raze
To the ground.
Stinging of words
Like poison that burnt
Through skin
Like onion-paper
So thin.
Searing like razors
Through her skin
Leaving it's mark
Scaring within.
And yet, she stayed.
For otherwise
She would be lost.
The feel of his eyes
Branding her skin
As she ran
Through that maze
Without any plan
Of where to go.
This forest
Once vibrant and bright
Now dead.
Like the light
That fled from her eyes.
Trapped in this game
Running round in circles
Prey to maim.
That's all she is.
Just how.
How do I leave.
What to do now.
Now that I'm so far in.
Sucked into this trap.
'Hate is spitting out each others mouths, but we're still sleeping like we're lovers.'
STILL - DAUGHTER
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Tie Me Up ☾
Tie
Me
Up
So
That
I
Will
Not
Fall
Apart.
For theres only
So much
I can do.
To delude myself
Into thinking "I'm fine"
Without you.
Me
Up
So
That
I
Will
Not
Fall
Apart.
For theres only
So much
I can do.
To delude myself
Into thinking "I'm fine"
Without you.
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Forever and Always
"You're my little pot of gold. You know that right, Lacie? You're the only one I've got. You won't leave me...would you?"
His fingers brushed through her hair as he said that, tangling it and occasionally pulling at it as if he could push forward the meaning of what he was trying to convey with little punctuated stabs of pain to her head.
She didn't trust herself with words. She was afraid to encounter his wrath again. A quick shaky nod would suffice.
But how was she to know that it wasn't enough.
The sudden lapse in his erratic, drunken breathing was an indicator of the storm about to break but she noticed it a bit too late. And before she could react, she felt her head whip back and her cheek stung as she was slammed against the car seat. A pained shriek escaped her parted lips as he closed his over hers, effectively shutting off the sound.
Stunned, too stunned to react, she merely froze as his mouth moved over hers, cajoling a response out of her was as good as trying to rescusitate a corpse for all the response he was getting. She could feel his hand move to her hair which he then grabbed and pulled her up with him, pressing his torso against hers, so quickly that she couldn't have retaliated even if she wanted to. He shook her and flung her as if she were a ragdoll, against the window.
He leaned half out of his seat, over the gears in the middle and placed his hands on either side of her head on the glass, effectively trapping her in the cage of his arms. He moved with a slow predatory deliberation that caused her to feel a tremor of fear. Leaning very close to her, she could feel the tickle of his breath on her ear as she tolerated the stink of alcohol from his mouth. Waiting. Just waiting for the next blow.
What came next shocked her into stillness.
"Please. Please don't leave me."
She didn't know what to do or say to comfort the subdued, suddenly somewhat sober, manic beast of a boyfriend as the cage turned into an embrace and she was swallowed up into a warm hug. Moistening her bruised lips, she raised her trembling arms and put them around his trembling form. She was still reeling from the shock and suddenness of the whole thing and words simply failed her. It was only when she realised the wetness on her neck which dampened her shirt was his tears did she force herself to choke out a strained reply.
Her throat tightened and she struggled to hold back the tears threatening to fall when he tightened his grip on her back in response to her shaky reply.
"Forever?"
Her voice cracked again as she said,
"And always."
Forever and always.
The first thing he said to her after he had confessed to her as they lay on the soft, fine sand, slightly illuminated by the soft orangey glow. The last dying rays of sunset.
His eyes, playfully sparkling a lovely deep ocean blue, held none of the malice and madness of the piercing blue ice that had bored into her own frightened grey ones. His hands once so gentle as they stroked her coffee brown hair, now were so full of rage which left its own mark on her face.
The words they had once exchanged now were laced with spite and stung as they burrowed into the recesses of her heart.
She could no longer recognize that enigmatic, loving blonde boy with the ocean blue eyes who gently held her hand and professed his love for her with a slight blush. Now she only saw a rabid beast, prone to attack anytime. And yet in this strange moments where he held her tight against him, as if he were afraid she would vanish, did she feel herself suddenly comfortable and in a weird twisted way, safe.
Tears streaked down her sore face as she felt the sobs shake his body and eventually, hers.
"Stay with me."
His voice, merely a whisper after his outburst caused her to clench her hands into fists as she whispered back in reply.
"Forever...and always."
His fingers brushed through her hair as he said that, tangling it and occasionally pulling at it as if he could push forward the meaning of what he was trying to convey with little punctuated stabs of pain to her head.
She didn't trust herself with words. She was afraid to encounter his wrath again. A quick shaky nod would suffice.
But how was she to know that it wasn't enough.
The sudden lapse in his erratic, drunken breathing was an indicator of the storm about to break but she noticed it a bit too late. And before she could react, she felt her head whip back and her cheek stung as she was slammed against the car seat. A pained shriek escaped her parted lips as he closed his over hers, effectively shutting off the sound.
Stunned, too stunned to react, she merely froze as his mouth moved over hers, cajoling a response out of her was as good as trying to rescusitate a corpse for all the response he was getting. She could feel his hand move to her hair which he then grabbed and pulled her up with him, pressing his torso against hers, so quickly that she couldn't have retaliated even if she wanted to. He shook her and flung her as if she were a ragdoll, against the window.
He leaned half out of his seat, over the gears in the middle and placed his hands on either side of her head on the glass, effectively trapping her in the cage of his arms. He moved with a slow predatory deliberation that caused her to feel a tremor of fear. Leaning very close to her, she could feel the tickle of his breath on her ear as she tolerated the stink of alcohol from his mouth. Waiting. Just waiting for the next blow.
What came next shocked her into stillness.
"Please. Please don't leave me."
She didn't know what to do or say to comfort the subdued, suddenly somewhat sober, manic beast of a boyfriend as the cage turned into an embrace and she was swallowed up into a warm hug. Moistening her bruised lips, she raised her trembling arms and put them around his trembling form. She was still reeling from the shock and suddenness of the whole thing and words simply failed her. It was only when she realised the wetness on her neck which dampened her shirt was his tears did she force herself to choke out a strained reply.
Her throat tightened and she struggled to hold back the tears threatening to fall when he tightened his grip on her back in response to her shaky reply.
"Forever?"
Her voice cracked again as she said,
"And always."
Forever and always.
The first thing he said to her after he had confessed to her as they lay on the soft, fine sand, slightly illuminated by the soft orangey glow. The last dying rays of sunset.
His eyes, playfully sparkling a lovely deep ocean blue, held none of the malice and madness of the piercing blue ice that had bored into her own frightened grey ones. His hands once so gentle as they stroked her coffee brown hair, now were so full of rage which left its own mark on her face.
The words they had once exchanged now were laced with spite and stung as they burrowed into the recesses of her heart.
She could no longer recognize that enigmatic, loving blonde boy with the ocean blue eyes who gently held her hand and professed his love for her with a slight blush. Now she only saw a rabid beast, prone to attack anytime. And yet in this strange moments where he held her tight against him, as if he were afraid she would vanish, did she feel herself suddenly comfortable and in a weird twisted way, safe.
Tears streaked down her sore face as she felt the sobs shake his body and eventually, hers.
"Stay with me."
His voice, merely a whisper after his outburst caused her to clench her hands into fists as she whispered back in reply.
"Forever...and always."
Saturday, July 13, 2013
The Tired Tread
THE TIRED TREAD OF THE WEARY
Papers litter the floor.
Covered in faces,
Infused with colour
And memories from many places.
She paints her world,
Just the way she sees it.
Idealistic, alive, bright,
Just the way she needs it.
But when the light is out.
Her fears uncaged.
All hell breaks loose as
Unchained, they rampaged
Through her fragile mind.
Hands shaking with trepidation,
Mind oddly clear of hesitation and
A line is drawn with deliberation.
Scarlett stains alabaster white.
And yet the light fails to shine.
So a weary smile stretches her face and
She drowns her sorrows in her wine.
Papers litter the floor.
Covered in faces,
Infused with colour
And memories from many places.
She paints her world,
Just the way she sees it.
Idealistic, alive, bright,
Just the way she needs it.
But when the light is out.
Her fears uncaged.
All hell breaks loose as
Unchained, they rampaged
Through her fragile mind.
Hands shaking with trepidation,
Mind oddly clear of hesitation and
A line is drawn with deliberation.
Scarlett stains alabaster white.
And yet the light fails to shine.
So a weary smile stretches her face and
She drowns her sorrows in her wine.
Left.
She hears the words in silence,
Reads the feelings on the faces,
Sees the movements in the still,
She doesn't know just what she chases.
When it's time to go
She longs to stay
But it's just her
Who feels that way.
They part their ways
And now what separates
Are so many days
Shoved in between
The distance stretches
As she frantically wonders,
Her anxiety rises
Is it just me who hungers?
For that feeling of companionship,
One for all and all for one.
But what she cannot sense,
Is that this time round, they're done.
Reads the feelings on the faces,
Sees the movements in the still,
She doesn't know just what she chases.
When it's time to go
She longs to stay
But it's just her
Who feels that way.
They part their ways
And now what separates
Are so many days
Shoved in between
The distance stretches
As she frantically wonders,
Her anxiety rises
Is it just me who hungers?
For that feeling of companionship,
One for all and all for one.
But what she cannot sense,
Is that this time round, they're done.
It's a long long distance.
Watching you from a distance
Is all I'll ever do
For I don't have the courage
To tell you "I love you"
Is all I'll ever do
For I don't have the courage
To tell you "I love you"
Friday, July 12, 2013
Did you know?
Did you know?
Your eyes light up your face.
And when you smile,
my heart starts to race.
Your eyes light up your face.
And when you smile,
my heart starts to race.
Fool
Things that remind me
of them and you and us
how it all used to be
need to be forgotten
For those days are over
But then, sometimes,
when i'm not sober,
Against my will, I ponder
What if you still care?
Can we still be together?
After all, you did promise me
"You, me, forever?"
Or am i just deluded.
Did you ever say such words?
Because I could have sworn
I know just what I heard.
But one day,
you vanished without a trace.
And everyday I wondered,
was there ever a place...
Where we could meet?
I know I'd smile and blush
And giggle at my feet.
You'd say "Hi"
And I'd fall for you
All over again.
of them and you and us
how it all used to be
need to be forgotten
For those days are over
But then, sometimes,
when i'm not sober,
Against my will, I ponder
What if you still care?
Can we still be together?
After all, you did promise me
"You, me, forever?"
Or am i just deluded.
Did you ever say such words?
Because I could have sworn
I know just what I heard.
But one day,
you vanished without a trace.
And everyday I wondered,
was there ever a place...
Where we could meet?
I know I'd smile and blush
And giggle at my feet.
You'd say "Hi"
And I'd fall for you
All over again.
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Denial
What was she doing?!
Jace clenched his fists as he watched the Entuak demon press Katarina against the bars.
That idiot! I told her to climb, what is she doing?!
The demon's screech drove a blade of fear deep into his chest.
That caused him to pause for a second.
It was impossible to him to be affected by the fear-inducing shriek of the Entuak. There was nothing for him to be afraid of. He no longer had anything left that he was afraid to lose.
Or was there.
As he watched the demon prepare for the kill, he could feel a tremor of fear pass through him and he was almost about to enter the cage when a boy pulled the demon off her.
The wave of relief was so instant it engulfed him in it's entirety, causing a light headed sensation.
This entire play of emotions puzzled him greatly.
Did this mean he cared about her?
That very thought made him shudder and he could not understand why.
No. Of course I don't.
I just don't need another dead body to bury.
Reassuring himself with that notion, he shifted into a more relaxed posture and folded his arms across his chest.
But despite what he told himself, he couldn't deny the torrent of emotions that coursed through him, growing in intensity as he continued to watch the battle.
Jace clenched his fists as he watched the Entuak demon press Katarina against the bars.
That idiot! I told her to climb, what is she doing?!
The demon's screech drove a blade of fear deep into his chest.
That caused him to pause for a second.
It was impossible to him to be affected by the fear-inducing shriek of the Entuak. There was nothing for him to be afraid of. He no longer had anything left that he was afraid to lose.
Or was there.
As he watched the demon prepare for the kill, he could feel a tremor of fear pass through him and he was almost about to enter the cage when a boy pulled the demon off her.
The wave of relief was so instant it engulfed him in it's entirety, causing a light headed sensation.
This entire play of emotions puzzled him greatly.
Did this mean he cared about her?
That very thought made him shudder and he could not understand why.
No. Of course I don't.
I just don't need another dead body to bury.
Reassuring himself with that notion, he shifted into a more relaxed posture and folded his arms across his chest.
But despite what he told himself, he couldn't deny the torrent of emotions that coursed through him, growing in intensity as he continued to watch the battle.
Monday, May 20, 2013
Do You Want To Live?
Her heartbeat raced in her chest as she gripped her sword tightly in her right hand and entered the cage.
The faces were a blur.
She could see some with eyes wild with bloodlust, and the weaker ones, their eyes brimming with fear. The urge to drive her blade through their chest shook her body with a shiver of anticipation.
It was as if there had been some sort of silent cue. Just a moment before they had been sizing each other up and then before she even knew it, the fight had started.
She barely had time to recall Jace's advice as she was thrown back into the side of the cage, the cold metal bars stinging against her flesh as she winced from the impact. Blood welled up from the deep gash in her left shoulder. Gasping in pain she met the crazed eyes of another girl. One of the battle hungry ones. Fear rose up in Katarina as she realized that her sword arm was pinned against the bars and she was left defenseless.
Easy prey.
The girl already had thick black blood splattered across her face which matted her dark green hair and stained her light grey skin. Her eyes glowed eerily in the weak night light as she stared directly at Katarina. Katarina could feel chills tickle her spine and she shuddered and pulled back from the girl, as if she could escape by pressing herself harder against the metal bars behind her in an attempt to create some distance. The girl suddenly smiled, the corners of her mouth stretched in an impossible way, enlarging her mouth to a huge gaping slash in her grey face.
What was she?!
Hot breath fanned on Katarina's face and she let out a terrified scream, attempting to raise her sword arm with renewed vigor. An eerie shriek escaped the green haired girl's mouth, tearing at the air, a voice to the soundtrack of the madness and chaos of the ensuing battle. It made Katarina shake in a sudden burst of fear.
It all happened so fast she didn't even have time to blink.
The girl was dragged off her and flung into a corner by a tall shaggy haired boy. He turned to face Katarina and her thanks came out as a strangled gurgle as she watched in horror as his head separated from his torso in an arc of dark green blood.
Vomit rising in her mouth she quickly ran to the side of the cage and began to climb. Banishing the thought of that girl's terrible face and the sudden death of the boy, both of which nearly paralyzed her with horror. The boy's face forever stuck in an state of shock imprinted itself in the forefront of her mind as her hands shook and slid on the bars.
Never had she been so scared in her life.
The faces were a blur.
She could see some with eyes wild with bloodlust, and the weaker ones, their eyes brimming with fear. The urge to drive her blade through their chest shook her body with a shiver of anticipation.
It was as if there had been some sort of silent cue. Just a moment before they had been sizing each other up and then before she even knew it, the fight had started.
She barely had time to recall Jace's advice as she was thrown back into the side of the cage, the cold metal bars stinging against her flesh as she winced from the impact. Blood welled up from the deep gash in her left shoulder. Gasping in pain she met the crazed eyes of another girl. One of the battle hungry ones. Fear rose up in Katarina as she realized that her sword arm was pinned against the bars and she was left defenseless.
Easy prey.
The girl already had thick black blood splattered across her face which matted her dark green hair and stained her light grey skin. Her eyes glowed eerily in the weak night light as she stared directly at Katarina. Katarina could feel chills tickle her spine and she shuddered and pulled back from the girl, as if she could escape by pressing herself harder against the metal bars behind her in an attempt to create some distance. The girl suddenly smiled, the corners of her mouth stretched in an impossible way, enlarging her mouth to a huge gaping slash in her grey face.
What was she?!
Hot breath fanned on Katarina's face and she let out a terrified scream, attempting to raise her sword arm with renewed vigor. An eerie shriek escaped the green haired girl's mouth, tearing at the air, a voice to the soundtrack of the madness and chaos of the ensuing battle. It made Katarina shake in a sudden burst of fear.
It all happened so fast she didn't even have time to blink.
The girl was dragged off her and flung into a corner by a tall shaggy haired boy. He turned to face Katarina and her thanks came out as a strangled gurgle as she watched in horror as his head separated from his torso in an arc of dark green blood.
Vomit rising in her mouth she quickly ran to the side of the cage and began to climb. Banishing the thought of that girl's terrible face and the sudden death of the boy, both of which nearly paralyzed her with horror. The boy's face forever stuck in an state of shock imprinted itself in the forefront of her mind as her hands shook and slid on the bars.
Never had she been so scared in her life.
Monday, May 13, 2013
Balance
If good exists, bad must too. If there's up, there has to be down. If there's a Hero, there must be a Villain. It's all about balance.
But then...who's to say who's good and who's evil? Isn't it up to them?
As usual, Faye Hart was completely unfocused. The wind from the open classroom window on her left slowly lifted her golden blonde hair and swept it across her eyes. She sneezed and that brought her out of her thoughts.
Lessons were a terrible bore. She didn't care about algebra and equations. She wanted to know about heros and villains, fairies and demons, unicorns and Selkies. Her imagination swept her away to where these existed and thus that was where she spent the most of her waking hours in.
I wonder...if villains really exist...
But then...who's to say who's good and who's evil? Isn't it up to them?
As usual, Faye Hart was completely unfocused. The wind from the open classroom window on her left slowly lifted her golden blonde hair and swept it across her eyes. She sneezed and that brought her out of her thoughts.
Lessons were a terrible bore. She didn't care about algebra and equations. She wanted to know about heros and villains, fairies and demons, unicorns and Selkies. Her imagination swept her away to where these existed and thus that was where she spent the most of her waking hours in.
I wonder...if villains really exist...
Pitch Black
The golden dust drifted past him in a shimmery stream, making his eyes cross as he followed the steady flow of glittery powder. His curiosity piqued and he raised a finger to prod it.
The minute his finger made contact with the shining stream, it stained black and spread out in a darkened, poisoned patch of darkness. He cried out in shock and stumbled back.
I touched it. I touched it. I actually touched it.
His heart picked up pace and beat enthusiastically against his ribcage. Determined to find the source of the only thing that had proved to him his existence.
He began to run, his finger lightly skimming the surface of the powder as he followed it. The powder now blackened, coiled and wound itself around the air surrounding him.
The impact was so quick he didn't even have time to react.
He was thrown back a few feet and crashed painfully into the base of a large tree. Wincing, he cautiously opened his eyes and was greeted with the strange sight of a another boy with the same golden dust flying around him in an unearthly, undulating way, shifting into shapes and then back into some sort of suspension.
Before he could utter a word the boy raised his palm and a cloud of dust sped towards him, pinning him uncomfortably against the tree. For such a harmless looking powder it sure was very...heavy. The weight of it on his chest made it impossible to move as he struggled on the ground under the scrutiny of the strange golden boy.
"What did you do to the dreams?"
Huh.
Pitch was confused. What dreams.
"I don't know what you're talking about." He gasped, the dust was pressing on his chest and it made taking breaths laborious.
The boy gestured to the cloud of black sand which hovered a small distance away from the shimmering golden one. Sudden realization dawned upon Pitch. He was the one who changed it.
"I...I touched it."
The boy looked slightly troubled for a second and murmured something under his breath that sounded like the word nightmare.
A few agonizing seconds passed as Pitch squirmed in discomfort under the crushing weight of the shimmering sand.
The boy then seemed to remember he was there and in a quick flick of his hand, lifted the mound of dust and dispersed it around him. With a small glance at Pitch who laid sprawled on the grass in an ungainly manner, he raised a leg and the dust swirled and formed a solid looking shape under his feet. Watching in awe, Pitch slowly got up and stood facing the golden boy.
"Wait. You're the first person I've spoken to...who's actually seen me...since...since I ended up here. Don't go!"
The golden boy turned back to survey Pitch with that unfathomable gaze of his. Taking his silence and attention as a cue to continue speaking, Pitch exclaimed, "I don't even know your name!"
The boy paused.
"Sandman."
And with that he turned back and mounted that pile of dust under his feet, slowly, he was lifted into the sky in a haze of gold.
"No...don't go. I'm confused!"
But the boy was too far to hear anything and Pitch's cries were left unheard.
Dejected, he let out a slow sigh and turned around only to see a small cloud of black dust floating in the air in front of him. Smirking, he thought to himself, 'Heh. He left behind some.'
Slowly he raised his hand and as if by magic, the cloud swirled around his finger tips in a shimmering shadow.
An odd feeling welled up in his chest.
A feeling of companionship.
I'm not alone anymore.
Finally, I have something to call my own.
Satisfied with the dust which he sifted through with his fingers, he laughed loudly, his entire body shaking.
Why was he feeling happy?
The more he thought about it, the more he realized that he didn't actually know.
The minute his finger made contact with the shining stream, it stained black and spread out in a darkened, poisoned patch of darkness. He cried out in shock and stumbled back.
I touched it. I touched it. I actually touched it.
His heart picked up pace and beat enthusiastically against his ribcage. Determined to find the source of the only thing that had proved to him his existence.
He began to run, his finger lightly skimming the surface of the powder as he followed it. The powder now blackened, coiled and wound itself around the air surrounding him.
The impact was so quick he didn't even have time to react.
He was thrown back a few feet and crashed painfully into the base of a large tree. Wincing, he cautiously opened his eyes and was greeted with the strange sight of a another boy with the same golden dust flying around him in an unearthly, undulating way, shifting into shapes and then back into some sort of suspension.
Before he could utter a word the boy raised his palm and a cloud of dust sped towards him, pinning him uncomfortably against the tree. For such a harmless looking powder it sure was very...heavy. The weight of it on his chest made it impossible to move as he struggled on the ground under the scrutiny of the strange golden boy.
"What did you do to the dreams?"
Huh.
Pitch was confused. What dreams.
"I don't know what you're talking about." He gasped, the dust was pressing on his chest and it made taking breaths laborious.
The boy gestured to the cloud of black sand which hovered a small distance away from the shimmering golden one. Sudden realization dawned upon Pitch. He was the one who changed it.
"I...I touched it."
The boy looked slightly troubled for a second and murmured something under his breath that sounded like the word nightmare.
A few agonizing seconds passed as Pitch squirmed in discomfort under the crushing weight of the shimmering sand.
The boy then seemed to remember he was there and in a quick flick of his hand, lifted the mound of dust and dispersed it around him. With a small glance at Pitch who laid sprawled on the grass in an ungainly manner, he raised a leg and the dust swirled and formed a solid looking shape under his feet. Watching in awe, Pitch slowly got up and stood facing the golden boy.
"Wait. You're the first person I've spoken to...who's actually seen me...since...since I ended up here. Don't go!"
The golden boy turned back to survey Pitch with that unfathomable gaze of his. Taking his silence and attention as a cue to continue speaking, Pitch exclaimed, "I don't even know your name!"
The boy paused.
"Sandman."
And with that he turned back and mounted that pile of dust under his feet, slowly, he was lifted into the sky in a haze of gold.
"No...don't go. I'm confused!"
But the boy was too far to hear anything and Pitch's cries were left unheard.
Dejected, he let out a slow sigh and turned around only to see a small cloud of black dust floating in the air in front of him. Smirking, he thought to himself, 'Heh. He left behind some.'
Slowly he raised his hand and as if by magic, the cloud swirled around his finger tips in a shimmering shadow.
An odd feeling welled up in his chest.
A feeling of companionship.
I'm not alone anymore.
Finally, I have something to call my own.
Satisfied with the dust which he sifted through with his fingers, he laughed loudly, his entire body shaking.
Why was he feeling happy?
The more he thought about it, the more he realized that he didn't actually know.
Purpose
In life most struggle to find their purpose. Everyone is put in the world for a reason, we just have to find it.
But after wandering and searching for more than a few hundred years, he was near giving up on trying. Alone. Isolated. He simply did not know why he was alive. He was no longer human. A fragment of a person maybe.
Pitch Black closed his eyes and rested wearily on the tree behind him. Standing at the edge of a cliff that overlooked a small town, he felt so insignificant in the midst of so many small bright lights, so lost in a world so foreign.
The stars in the night sky, winked at him as they shone and lit up the dark night. If possible that made him feel even more alone.
No one could see him. It was as if he didn't even exist.
Even the stars seemed to be mocking him with their bright existence.
To be recognized. That was all he wanted. The affirmation that he actually did exist.
The smoky clouds shifted a fraction and the luminous light of the moon enveloped him in it's entirety. Raising his eyes to the moon, he took a deep breath and yelled with all his might.
"WHY DID YOU PUT ME HERE FOR!?"
The moon remained silent. Taunting him almost, as it continued to glow and yet remained painfully silent.
"WHY?!!"
The years of frustration built up and exploded in a loud roar of anger. There was no point in watching his volume. No one could hear him anyway.
The silence was deafening.
Fists clenched, heart heavy with despair, he crumbled to the grassy ground.
Someone. Anyone. Just...
Prove to me that I exist.
"I am well suited for erasing, fading into hazy and sinking strong."
But after wandering and searching for more than a few hundred years, he was near giving up on trying. Alone. Isolated. He simply did not know why he was alive. He was no longer human. A fragment of a person maybe.
Pitch Black closed his eyes and rested wearily on the tree behind him. Standing at the edge of a cliff that overlooked a small town, he felt so insignificant in the midst of so many small bright lights, so lost in a world so foreign.
The stars in the night sky, winked at him as they shone and lit up the dark night. If possible that made him feel even more alone.
No one could see him. It was as if he didn't even exist.
Even the stars seemed to be mocking him with their bright existence.
To be recognized. That was all he wanted. The affirmation that he actually did exist.
The smoky clouds shifted a fraction and the luminous light of the moon enveloped him in it's entirety. Raising his eyes to the moon, he took a deep breath and yelled with all his might.
"WHY DID YOU PUT ME HERE FOR!?"
The moon remained silent. Taunting him almost, as it continued to glow and yet remained painfully silent.
"WHY?!!"
The years of frustration built up and exploded in a loud roar of anger. There was no point in watching his volume. No one could hear him anyway.
The silence was deafening.
Fists clenched, heart heavy with despair, he crumbled to the grassy ground.
Someone. Anyone. Just...
Prove to me that I exist.
"I am well suited for erasing, fading into hazy and sinking strong."
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Take One
*click*
"Ok, chin up and give me that glare...mhmm ok, great!"
*click click*
Aquila lifted her chin and channeled her energy into delivering that piercing glare she was famous for, her eyes even more intense due to the smudged, smoky eyeshadow. Lips gleaming with deep plum colored lip gloss, slightly parted as she raised an eyebrow slightly and froze in her position. Her pearl white off the shoulder Grecian style dress draped her body and contrasted with the dark cherry red spill of her hair messily arranged to highlight the angles of her face. Cheekbones prominent due to the light brush of bronzer, Aquila Vera did indeed live up to the high standard she was renowned for.
Slowly raising her leg and gracefully arranging her arms, she lowered her torso down on the white sheet and faced the camera on the right, once again delivering the same attention-absorbing intensity.
*click click*
"Ok and that's a wrap! Beautiful shots Aquila!"
She raised her painted lips in an alluring half smile and all but purred her thanks before getting up and making her way to the make up removal station.
One of the most prestigious models of that era, Aquila was widely acclaimed for her adaptability and wide range of expressions. Despite all that, as she stared at the face in the mirror she could not conjure up a proper emotion.
Empty on the inside.
Enticing moss green eyes stared back at her from the beautiful bronze toned, plum lipped, angular face in the mirror. Her hair, recently cropped close to her face was a glossy shade of cherry red and enhanced the green of her eyes.
Her eyes were empty. Her eyes were the windows to her soul and they were darkened by the empty blackness that had long engulfed her fragile soul.
Who was she?
Gone were the days where the carefree nymph of a girl had spent hours on end just reveling in the company of her other half. They had been inseparable.
And then that happened.
He became unrecognizable.
Catapulted to fame by his good looks and husky voice, he was soon molded into what everybody wanted to be and see...and yet everything that she couldn't recognize.
In order to be in the same world she had worked like crazy to be where she now was.
And yet, despite of everything she did, she could never be a part of his world anymore.
So, this was the result.
A goddess.
Beautiful, renowned, adored and admired. One of the goddess's of the modeling world.
And yet she was so empty inside.
An empty husk of the person she lost to become the person she needed to be.
Who was she?
Who had she become?
She wished she knew.
"Ok, chin up and give me that glare...mhmm ok, great!"
*click click*
Aquila lifted her chin and channeled her energy into delivering that piercing glare she was famous for, her eyes even more intense due to the smudged, smoky eyeshadow. Lips gleaming with deep plum colored lip gloss, slightly parted as she raised an eyebrow slightly and froze in her position. Her pearl white off the shoulder Grecian style dress draped her body and contrasted with the dark cherry red spill of her hair messily arranged to highlight the angles of her face. Cheekbones prominent due to the light brush of bronzer, Aquila Vera did indeed live up to the high standard she was renowned for.
Slowly raising her leg and gracefully arranging her arms, she lowered her torso down on the white sheet and faced the camera on the right, once again delivering the same attention-absorbing intensity.
*click click*
"Ok and that's a wrap! Beautiful shots Aquila!"
She raised her painted lips in an alluring half smile and all but purred her thanks before getting up and making her way to the make up removal station.
One of the most prestigious models of that era, Aquila was widely acclaimed for her adaptability and wide range of expressions. Despite all that, as she stared at the face in the mirror she could not conjure up a proper emotion.
Empty on the inside.
Enticing moss green eyes stared back at her from the beautiful bronze toned, plum lipped, angular face in the mirror. Her hair, recently cropped close to her face was a glossy shade of cherry red and enhanced the green of her eyes.
Her eyes were empty. Her eyes were the windows to her soul and they were darkened by the empty blackness that had long engulfed her fragile soul.
Who was she?
Gone were the days where the carefree nymph of a girl had spent hours on end just reveling in the company of her other half. They had been inseparable.
And then that happened.
He became unrecognizable.
Catapulted to fame by his good looks and husky voice, he was soon molded into what everybody wanted to be and see...and yet everything that she couldn't recognize.
In order to be in the same world she had worked like crazy to be where she now was.
And yet, despite of everything she did, she could never be a part of his world anymore.
So, this was the result.
A goddess.
Beautiful, renowned, adored and admired. One of the goddess's of the modeling world.
And yet she was so empty inside.
An empty husk of the person she lost to become the person she needed to be.
Who was she?
Who had she become?
She wished she knew.
Fight
The way the wind howled that night filled her with apprehension. What was happening?
Their destination was a huge cage. Sleek, silver metal rods surrounding a huge, black, glossy-looking arena of sorts. The wind stung her eyes and whipped her dark hair around her face in a frenzy as she gripped the arm of the tall boy beside her.
His lips were firmly pressed against each other and bloodless against the pallor of his skin. His dark hair too was in a mess after being subjected to the wrath of the wind. Red and blue mismatched eyes met her own as Jace swung her around to face him.
"Do you know what to do?"
His voice was velvety and caused an involuntary shiver to run through her.
Once glance and he could see the determination though diluted with a slight tinge of fear in her pale blue eyes. For some reason he found himself feeling almost unwilling to let her go.
But this was how things worked in here.
Kill or be killed.
She released his arm and padded over to the cage, her bare feet making soft, muted sounds on the cool ground.
Soft and patient, his voice rang in her head as she recalled his words of advice from before.
'Don't be a hero. You have to survive. First, climb. Wait it out. There's no way you will survive if you charge into the start of the fight. Let them finish each other before you attack. The last ones, they're the hardest to beat. Hide until there's only one left. Then kill it. You can do it. I've seen it in you. Don't fail or else you'll lose more than just your dignity.'
Closing her eyes she took a deep breath and let the noise of the wind drown out her thoughts. With utmost concentration, she visualized with all her might the sword that she had bonded with the night before.
Short puffs of air escaped her pale lips and she focused her concentration on the sleek pale silver of her blade. Before she knew it, the weight of the sword so familiar began to dip her hands down. Clutching it as if it were her lifeline, which it was, she lifted it up and opened her eyes, satisfied that she had managed to successfully summon her weapon. Sparing a glance behind, she sought out the familiar figure of her partner.
Jace stood watching her from the front of the crowd that had gathered to watch the Fight, her expression unreadable and from this distance his mismatched eyes glittered with unfathomable emotions. She thought she had glimpsed a small, satisfied smirk twist the corners of his mouth up.
But then again maybe she didn't.
His face as emotionally detached as always, stood out from the rest of the raucous crowd.
Turning around again to face the arena before her, she calmed her heart down and cleared her mind.
Focus was crucial.
One slip up and it would cost her her life.
This was no game.
The gong sounded then, jolting her body and shaking her soul.
It had begun.
Katarina smiled viciously.
Bring it on.
Their destination was a huge cage. Sleek, silver metal rods surrounding a huge, black, glossy-looking arena of sorts. The wind stung her eyes and whipped her dark hair around her face in a frenzy as she gripped the arm of the tall boy beside her.
His lips were firmly pressed against each other and bloodless against the pallor of his skin. His dark hair too was in a mess after being subjected to the wrath of the wind. Red and blue mismatched eyes met her own as Jace swung her around to face him.
"Do you know what to do?"
His voice was velvety and caused an involuntary shiver to run through her.
Once glance and he could see the determination though diluted with a slight tinge of fear in her pale blue eyes. For some reason he found himself feeling almost unwilling to let her go.
But this was how things worked in here.
Kill or be killed.
She released his arm and padded over to the cage, her bare feet making soft, muted sounds on the cool ground.
Soft and patient, his voice rang in her head as she recalled his words of advice from before.
'Don't be a hero. You have to survive. First, climb. Wait it out. There's no way you will survive if you charge into the start of the fight. Let them finish each other before you attack. The last ones, they're the hardest to beat. Hide until there's only one left. Then kill it. You can do it. I've seen it in you. Don't fail or else you'll lose more than just your dignity.'
Closing her eyes she took a deep breath and let the noise of the wind drown out her thoughts. With utmost concentration, she visualized with all her might the sword that she had bonded with the night before.
Short puffs of air escaped her pale lips and she focused her concentration on the sleek pale silver of her blade. Before she knew it, the weight of the sword so familiar began to dip her hands down. Clutching it as if it were her lifeline, which it was, she lifted it up and opened her eyes, satisfied that she had managed to successfully summon her weapon. Sparing a glance behind, she sought out the familiar figure of her partner.
Jace stood watching her from the front of the crowd that had gathered to watch the Fight, her expression unreadable and from this distance his mismatched eyes glittered with unfathomable emotions. She thought she had glimpsed a small, satisfied smirk twist the corners of his mouth up.
But then again maybe she didn't.
His face as emotionally detached as always, stood out from the rest of the raucous crowd.
Turning around again to face the arena before her, she calmed her heart down and cleared her mind.
Focus was crucial.
One slip up and it would cost her her life.
This was no game.
The gong sounded then, jolting her body and shaking her soul.
It had begun.
Katarina smiled viciously.
Bring it on.
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Tunnel Effect
The prospect is bleak.
It's as if she's in a tunnel and the light at the end has been snuffed out. She doesn't know we're the exit begins and where the entrance ends. Well maybe she's stuck in the middle. She decides to lie down before she could get too lost.
Maybe she'll just lie there and wait till someone finds her.
Is anybody out there? Or am I just talking to myself.
It's as if she's in a tunnel and the light at the end has been snuffed out. She doesn't know we're the exit begins and where the entrance ends. Well maybe she's stuck in the middle. She decides to lie down before she could get too lost.
Maybe she'll just lie there and wait till someone finds her.
Is anybody out there? Or am I just talking to myself.
Monday, May 6, 2013
Thank You
She could feel the blade penetrate her chest.
Curious feeling that was.
Looking into the intense dark blue eyes of the long haired warrior in front of her, she felt a choked half-laugh escape her bloodied lips. A trickle of blood dripped down her chin, falling silently onto the ground. The pain was still there, an odd burning sensation. Curious, because she couldn't remember any fire.
His eyes roamed her face before boring into her own pale green irises. His hand, gripped the handle of the blade tightly, skin stretched over bone white knuckles.
He was beautiful.
Breathing became difficult. She had to use all the strength in her faltering body to suck in a pathetic stream of oxygen. Not that it mattered anyway. Her head slumped forward, red strands of hair slithering over her hunched shoulders, obscuring her pale face. Her hands grasped the blade and feebly tried to pull it out.
Let me go.
His grip tightened. Then suddenly in one swift, fluid movement, he drew the sword out of her.
Aquila's body fell almost gracefully, artfully, falling onto the blood stained ground with a soft thump.
Her green eyes, unfocused, seemed to be staring at somewhere beyond him. Her hands twisted on the ground, fingers curling into claws and weakly digging into the cold, hard ground. The red locks mixed with the dark red liquid surrounding her gave him the impression that she was merely sleeping in a pool of wine. Her bloodless lips formed words he could not hear as he noticed how still she was becoming and how she seemed to have run out of breath.
Metal scraping the ground, the stained sword dragged on the ground as he moved towards her. Pale green eyes met blue and he knew what she wanted him to do.
After all, if the tables were turned, he'd want the exact same thing.
"End it.", she whispered.
And so he did.
He raised the sword over her heart and plunged it in without any hesitation. He could see the light fade out from her eyes and the life left her limp figure.
The last words she whispered barely reached his ears before she fell completely still.
"Thank you."
Curious feeling that was.
Looking into the intense dark blue eyes of the long haired warrior in front of her, she felt a choked half-laugh escape her bloodied lips. A trickle of blood dripped down her chin, falling silently onto the ground. The pain was still there, an odd burning sensation. Curious, because she couldn't remember any fire.
His eyes roamed her face before boring into her own pale green irises. His hand, gripped the handle of the blade tightly, skin stretched over bone white knuckles.
He was beautiful.
Breathing became difficult. She had to use all the strength in her faltering body to suck in a pathetic stream of oxygen. Not that it mattered anyway. Her head slumped forward, red strands of hair slithering over her hunched shoulders, obscuring her pale face. Her hands grasped the blade and feebly tried to pull it out.
Let me go.
His grip tightened. Then suddenly in one swift, fluid movement, he drew the sword out of her.
Aquila's body fell almost gracefully, artfully, falling onto the blood stained ground with a soft thump.
Her green eyes, unfocused, seemed to be staring at somewhere beyond him. Her hands twisted on the ground, fingers curling into claws and weakly digging into the cold, hard ground. The red locks mixed with the dark red liquid surrounding her gave him the impression that she was merely sleeping in a pool of wine. Her bloodless lips formed words he could not hear as he noticed how still she was becoming and how she seemed to have run out of breath.
Metal scraping the ground, the stained sword dragged on the ground as he moved towards her. Pale green eyes met blue and he knew what she wanted him to do.
After all, if the tables were turned, he'd want the exact same thing.
"End it.", she whispered.
And so he did.
He raised the sword over her heart and plunged it in without any hesitation. He could see the light fade out from her eyes and the life left her limp figure.
The last words she whispered barely reached his ears before she fell completely still.
"Thank you."
Sunday, May 5, 2013
Weapons of Words
Words hurt.
She knew that better than anyone.
And that was why she armed herself with them.
Surrounding her fragile inner self with an arsenal of sharp edged words, tips
gleaming with poison and glistening with malice. Words hurt more then any fire
forged or heavy weapon. Words were tested and tempered with cruelty and
malicious, deadly intent, capable of inflicting harm beyond the capabilities of
tangible weapons.
And that was why they were her weapon of choice.
She sliced through weak emotional shields with ease and made ribbons out
of the souls whom had once tormented her. Ripping and slashing her way towards
the only thing that made her feel safe. Tearing others down with her words was
so much easier than building others up.
Destruction was so much simpler and faster than creation and she reveled
in her newfound power.
Words empowered her.
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
So Close
Gripping the arrow in her shaking right hand she pulled back the string till it tautened, her entire arm was shaking now. Her arms shook with the effort of keeping her aim true, as she closed one eye and focused on her target. She could feel her grip loosening and mentally berated herself for having that slight lapse in concentration, it was imperative that she made a clean shot. Pale blue eyes narrowed in concentration, her breaths slight and slow, slowly she straightened her back and gripped the bow harder. She let the breaths she had been holding in all out in a huff of effort as she simultaneously let lose the arrow.
Twisting in the air, the arrow flew with deadly precision and it was almost a lifetimes wait before it pierced cleanly through his head.
From the distance she was standing at, Katarina couldn't hear the gasp of shock that escaped his parted lips or the sound of the arrow as it zipped towards him and parted his shaggy sandy brown fringe before plunging into the centre of his forehead. She could'nt see the horror and fear in his eyes as he sought her out, the tall dark figure in the distance, before death gripped him in its inescapable claws.
She could'nt see anything.
She could feel her traitorous heart falter at the sight of his crumpled body and feel the start of the tremor of sobs which wracked her body and forced her to her knees. The bow fell from her hand and she clasped it around her mouth to stifle the sobs which bordered on hysteria as the minutes dragged past. Her blue eyes wide and staring as the tears leaked out from the corner of her eyes and raced down her face.
She could'nt see anything. But she could feel. She could feel everything.
And perhaps that was worse.
Twisting in the air, the arrow flew with deadly precision and it was almost a lifetimes wait before it pierced cleanly through his head.
From the distance she was standing at, Katarina couldn't hear the gasp of shock that escaped his parted lips or the sound of the arrow as it zipped towards him and parted his shaggy sandy brown fringe before plunging into the centre of his forehead. She could'nt see the horror and fear in his eyes as he sought her out, the tall dark figure in the distance, before death gripped him in its inescapable claws.
She could'nt see anything.
She could feel her traitorous heart falter at the sight of his crumpled body and feel the start of the tremor of sobs which wracked her body and forced her to her knees. The bow fell from her hand and she clasped it around her mouth to stifle the sobs which bordered on hysteria as the minutes dragged past. Her blue eyes wide and staring as the tears leaked out from the corner of her eyes and raced down her face.
She could'nt see anything. But she could feel. She could feel everything.
And perhaps that was worse.
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Oneshot
She ran her fingers through the messy bun she whipped her hair into, facing the mirror, she planted a small smirk that promised mystery on her face. She was about to go out with her friend and wanted to make sure that she did not look as sullen as she always did.
Afterall, Christmas was supposed to be a fun occasion right?
She strutted out of her dormitory leaving a faint hint of her perfume lingering behind her. Moving with quick, purposeful steps she climbed the curved stairwell that led to the floor above the dungeon where her house, slytherin was situated. As she focused on walking as fast as she could to their meeting place, she had a split second heads up before she crashed into the red cloaked figure in front of her.
Determined not to appear as the fragile girl she was often mistaken for due to her height, she straightened her back and blew the hair that had escaped her bun away from her face.
As she mustered up one of her nastiest remarks, she narrowed her dark eyes and was about to retort angrily when her dark brown eyes locked with the clear blue orbs of the gryffindor before her.
Wow, his eyes remind me of the sky.
Those words flashed through her mind almost instantly.
She remained silent her jibe at him stuck in her throat. Rather than embarrassing herself by opening and closing her like a spastic goldfish, she firmly shut her mouth. Assessing her reaction, the blue-eyed gryffindor flashed her a winning smile and said, "whoops sorry, didn't see you there." Gathering herself, she rudely replied, "well maybe next time you should watch where you walk, not everyone appreciates those flashy red cloaks clogging the stairs" with that she strutted off, her early smirk replaced with the early beginnings of a snarl. 'Oh what a prick', she thought. 'he had nice eyes though' she grudgingly conceded.
Afterall, Christmas was supposed to be a fun occasion right?
She strutted out of her dormitory leaving a faint hint of her perfume lingering behind her. Moving with quick, purposeful steps she climbed the curved stairwell that led to the floor above the dungeon where her house, slytherin was situated. As she focused on walking as fast as she could to their meeting place, she had a split second heads up before she crashed into the red cloaked figure in front of her.
Determined not to appear as the fragile girl she was often mistaken for due to her height, she straightened her back and blew the hair that had escaped her bun away from her face.
As she mustered up one of her nastiest remarks, she narrowed her dark eyes and was about to retort angrily when her dark brown eyes locked with the clear blue orbs of the gryffindor before her.
Wow, his eyes remind me of the sky.
Those words flashed through her mind almost instantly.
She remained silent her jibe at him stuck in her throat. Rather than embarrassing herself by opening and closing her like a spastic goldfish, she firmly shut her mouth. Assessing her reaction, the blue-eyed gryffindor flashed her a winning smile and said, "whoops sorry, didn't see you there." Gathering herself, she rudely replied, "well maybe next time you should watch where you walk, not everyone appreciates those flashy red cloaks clogging the stairs" with that she strutted off, her early smirk replaced with the early beginnings of a snarl. 'Oh what a prick', she thought. 'he had nice eyes though' she grudgingly conceded.
Oneshot QuinnXSam
Quinn Fabray smoothes out her already picture perfect curls as she waits for the knock on her door which would signal the arrival of her recently acquired date. Sam Evans, the quarterback of the rugby team was more than happy to ask her out and a free dinner was the perfect incentive.
'Who knows, maybe he might be worth a couple more dates' she mused.
Tapping her foot on the spotless floor of her apartment she raised her baby blue eyes to the clock on the wall.
He's late.
A second later, a sharp tap on her door signals his arrival. Brushing of invisible specks of dust, a perfectionist habit of hers, from her pale pink frilled top she checks her reflection in one of the glass panels to her left. Shaking out her hair once again, she applies another thin layer of lip gloss to her plump lips and barbie is ready to meet ken. She hesitates for a second, in order to prolong his waiting time. 'it's better to keep them waiting for more' she thought before planting a mischievous half smile on her perfect face. With a delicate sweep of her hand, she opens the door and rests her elegant frame slightly on the side of the doorframe.
"You're late." she says, raising one perfectly sculpted eyebrow, "I don't like to be kept waiting."
Sam Evans shifts nervously as he tries and fails to come up with a witty comeback. He just settles for an apologetic smile. Both of them wait for the other to make a move, however, Ms Quinn Fabray has no intention to break the awkward silence. Sam awkwardly raises a bouquet of roses from behind his back in what he hoped was a romantic gesture.
Quinn accepted the bouquet graciously and gave them a small sniff. Letting Sam see the small smile that crept slowly onto her face she said, "They smell lovely. Thanks." he reacted just as she had anticipated, his face breaking out into a more relaxed expression. She set the bouquet down on her side table before closing and locking the door behind her. Her apartment mate wouldn't be home till later that night by which time she would have already gone to sleep. Sam moved over to his car and opened the car door for her politely inviting her into his car. Quinn smiled and slide gracefully into the front seat. Sam got in and started the car, this was going to be an interesting dinner.
'Who knows, maybe he might be worth a couple more dates' she mused.
Tapping her foot on the spotless floor of her apartment she raised her baby blue eyes to the clock on the wall.
He's late.
A second later, a sharp tap on her door signals his arrival. Brushing of invisible specks of dust, a perfectionist habit of hers, from her pale pink frilled top she checks her reflection in one of the glass panels to her left. Shaking out her hair once again, she applies another thin layer of lip gloss to her plump lips and barbie is ready to meet ken. She hesitates for a second, in order to prolong his waiting time. 'it's better to keep them waiting for more' she thought before planting a mischievous half smile on her perfect face. With a delicate sweep of her hand, she opens the door and rests her elegant frame slightly on the side of the doorframe.
"You're late." she says, raising one perfectly sculpted eyebrow, "I don't like to be kept waiting."
Sam Evans shifts nervously as he tries and fails to come up with a witty comeback. He just settles for an apologetic smile. Both of them wait for the other to make a move, however, Ms Quinn Fabray has no intention to break the awkward silence. Sam awkwardly raises a bouquet of roses from behind his back in what he hoped was a romantic gesture.
Quinn accepted the bouquet graciously and gave them a small sniff. Letting Sam see the small smile that crept slowly onto her face she said, "They smell lovely. Thanks." he reacted just as she had anticipated, his face breaking out into a more relaxed expression. She set the bouquet down on her side table before closing and locking the door behind her. Her apartment mate wouldn't be home till later that night by which time she would have already gone to sleep. Sam moved over to his car and opened the car door for her politely inviting her into his car. Quinn smiled and slide gracefully into the front seat. Sam got in and started the car, this was going to be an interesting dinner.
The Rain
She loved the rain. She loved how it made it seem as if she wasn't crying. Or at least not alone, as the heavy downpour made it almost seem as if the sky was crying with her. The cool drops ran in rivulets down her face, she couldn't distinguish the difference between that and her tears which ran in salty streams, intertwining with the rain, like the intricate map of venules leading towards her veins.
The rain made it feel as if her troubles were being washed away. Carried with the cool stream into the soggy ground at her feet.
She had at long last ran out of tears and yet the rain seemed to be relentless, almost as if the heavens were crying on her behalf. Wailing out the words she could no longer bring herself to say in a gust of howling wind and stinging drops.
Refreshed, soaked to the bone and shivering, she then realised that the reason she loves the rain so much was because it seemed to console her and strangely it shook her out of her everyday stupor and reminded her that she was still alive.
Morbid.
The loud thunderous downpour drowned out her thoughts, which once raced through her mind like a swarm of bees awakened and driven to a mindless fury with the destruction of their hive, stabbing and probing on the edge of her subconscious. Piercing her frail shielded mind and releasing thoughts which burnt through her mind to her heart, leaving behind a searing bitter, acid-like feeling. The rain was a remedy. Calming her mind and neutralizing the trail of shimmering pain her thoughts left behind.
It was like a painkiller.
It numbed her.
Alleviating the burden of the self-deprecating, destructive thoughts which took permanent residence in her brain and converting her to a somewhat alarming, zen-like state.
Meditation? Nah, call its soul cleansing.
To put it simply, it took away the pain.
After all, "The only thing worse than feeling anything was feeling everything" and being completely unable to do anything about it.
The rain made it feel as if her troubles were being washed away. Carried with the cool stream into the soggy ground at her feet.
She had at long last ran out of tears and yet the rain seemed to be relentless, almost as if the heavens were crying on her behalf. Wailing out the words she could no longer bring herself to say in a gust of howling wind and stinging drops.
Refreshed, soaked to the bone and shivering, she then realised that the reason she loves the rain so much was because it seemed to console her and strangely it shook her out of her everyday stupor and reminded her that she was still alive.
Morbid.
The loud thunderous downpour drowned out her thoughts, which once raced through her mind like a swarm of bees awakened and driven to a mindless fury with the destruction of their hive, stabbing and probing on the edge of her subconscious. Piercing her frail shielded mind and releasing thoughts which burnt through her mind to her heart, leaving behind a searing bitter, acid-like feeling. The rain was a remedy. Calming her mind and neutralizing the trail of shimmering pain her thoughts left behind.
It was like a painkiller.
It numbed her.
Alleviating the burden of the self-deprecating, destructive thoughts which took permanent residence in her brain and converting her to a somewhat alarming, zen-like state.
Meditation? Nah, call its soul cleansing.
To put it simply, it took away the pain.
After all, "The only thing worse than feeling anything was feeling everything" and being completely unable to do anything about it.
Monday, April 1, 2013
Memories can be Deceiving
Lucy could feel her lower lip trembling and she bit down hard on it for the third time that night. She would not cry. She had promised herself that much. As she sat there in a miserable, contemplative silence she thought,
This wasn't going the way she had anticipated it to.
The first meeting after five years wasn't supposed to go this way.
She was supposed to be the one he was thrilled to meet. He should be running up to her, enjoyed that they had managed to meet for the first time in ages. They should be laughing and reminiscing about the past. And yet the silence that spanned between the two of them was a clear indication that things were not going to go the way she had wistfully dreamed they would.
Folding her arms around herself she chanted "I will not cry, I will not cry, I will not cry." And for a fleeting moment she likened herself to the little engine that could. Except in her situation, no matter how hard she tried or tried to think about the situation positively, she couldn't.
The odds were never in her favour.
She was so much better than Lucy would ever be. In every possible way.
Lucy watched them from afar and felt her heart clench painfully in her chest.
He played with that girls hair, flipping it into her face before jumping back, avoiding her annoyed slap, and laughing loudly.
She remembered how, long ago, that had been her. The feeling of being replaced made her feel, if possible, even worse than before.
He used to walk past her in the hallway and they would discreetly exchange hi-5's without her classmates seeing, a grin which spoke of inside jokes shared after school, wide on his face as he gave her hand a secret slight squeeze before walking on. Her heart would always stutter feebly and then pick up the pace and race quickly and unevenly.
She missed those days.
Days where they ruled the world. Him on her side always.
'We were the Kings and the Queens'
Her knight in shining armour, they ruled the world they dreamt of for themselves.
Those moments in the hallway when they would exchange secret grins which masked the emotions that coursed through her veins. His eyes always seeking her out in the crowds, always making sure the bullies left her alone.
"'I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you.'
We were unstoppable. The whole world could have been against us but if you were with me it didn't matter. Because as far as I was concerned you were my world. " she thought bitterly, "What does it matter now that you've forgotten me."
The memory of him opening her window and climbing in to keep her company while her parents were out, bringing alone with him two game consoles to keep them occupied. Her face would heat up and as usual they would lapse into a casual banter about the day that had passed while her heart beat at an unsteady pace. He would always interrupt her with that loud, boisterous laugh of his. Loud. That was a character trait closely associated with him.
'There's not a day I don't miss those rude interruptions."
The day he moved next door to her, she had gone over to welcome him into the neighbourhood and they had lied side by side on the wooden bottom frame of the bed just talking. Now as she tried to recall what they were talking about she found that she could not remember. They just had far too many conversations to recall.
'Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes, tell myself its time now, gotta let go. But moving on from him is impossible when i still see it all in my head.'
It was almost like a plague of memories, bombarding her mind. She could still remember how he had put his jacket over their outstretched legs and in the silence of the library made her swear to marry him in the future.
Now as she watched them flirt casually she couldn't help but feel as if the past they shared was just a dream. Just one happy dream. It seemed almost as if she had imagined the whole thing. Dreams were so unreliable. Oh, memories can be deceiving.
She felt that bitterness spread through her body, feeling like an acid spreading through her body leaving a burning, sour feeling behind.
'I can live without you but, without you I'd be miserable at best.'
My childhood was perfect because of you, but where did you go?
I guess i did imagine the whole thing after all.
This wasn't going the way she had anticipated it to.
The first meeting after five years wasn't supposed to go this way.
She was supposed to be the one he was thrilled to meet. He should be running up to her, enjoyed that they had managed to meet for the first time in ages. They should be laughing and reminiscing about the past. And yet the silence that spanned between the two of them was a clear indication that things were not going to go the way she had wistfully dreamed they would.
Folding her arms around herself she chanted "I will not cry, I will not cry, I will not cry." And for a fleeting moment she likened herself to the little engine that could. Except in her situation, no matter how hard she tried or tried to think about the situation positively, she couldn't.
The odds were never in her favour.
She was so much better than Lucy would ever be. In every possible way.
Lucy watched them from afar and felt her heart clench painfully in her chest.
He played with that girls hair, flipping it into her face before jumping back, avoiding her annoyed slap, and laughing loudly.
She remembered how, long ago, that had been her. The feeling of being replaced made her feel, if possible, even worse than before.
He used to walk past her in the hallway and they would discreetly exchange hi-5's without her classmates seeing, a grin which spoke of inside jokes shared after school, wide on his face as he gave her hand a secret slight squeeze before walking on. Her heart would always stutter feebly and then pick up the pace and race quickly and unevenly.
She missed those days.
Days where they ruled the world. Him on her side always.
'We were the Kings and the Queens'
Her knight in shining armour, they ruled the world they dreamt of for themselves.
Those moments in the hallway when they would exchange secret grins which masked the emotions that coursed through her veins. His eyes always seeking her out in the crowds, always making sure the bullies left her alone.
"'I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you.'
We were unstoppable. The whole world could have been against us but if you were with me it didn't matter. Because as far as I was concerned you were my world. " she thought bitterly, "What does it matter now that you've forgotten me."
The memory of him opening her window and climbing in to keep her company while her parents were out, bringing alone with him two game consoles to keep them occupied. Her face would heat up and as usual they would lapse into a casual banter about the day that had passed while her heart beat at an unsteady pace. He would always interrupt her with that loud, boisterous laugh of his. Loud. That was a character trait closely associated with him.
'There's not a day I don't miss those rude interruptions."
The day he moved next door to her, she had gone over to welcome him into the neighbourhood and they had lied side by side on the wooden bottom frame of the bed just talking. Now as she tried to recall what they were talking about she found that she could not remember. They just had far too many conversations to recall.
'Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes, tell myself its time now, gotta let go. But moving on from him is impossible when i still see it all in my head.'
It was almost like a plague of memories, bombarding her mind. She could still remember how he had put his jacket over their outstretched legs and in the silence of the library made her swear to marry him in the future.
Now as she watched them flirt casually she couldn't help but feel as if the past they shared was just a dream. Just one happy dream. It seemed almost as if she had imagined the whole thing. Dreams were so unreliable. Oh, memories can be deceiving.
She felt that bitterness spread through her body, feeling like an acid spreading through her body leaving a burning, sour feeling behind.
'I can live without you but, without you I'd be miserable at best.'
My childhood was perfect because of you, but where did you go?
I guess i did imagine the whole thing after all.
Sunday, March 31, 2013
The Caged Bird
The Caged Bird.
As she belted the last note out, the audience remained silent and a hush fell over the entire auditorium. She slowly lowered the microphone as a smile crept over her face. She stood slightly hunched on the stage as she smoothed out her dress self-consciously. The bright beams of coloured light from the many spotlights around the hall temporarily blinded her and painted her pale ivory skin in an eerie hue of purples and blues. Her smooth silky black locks rippled as she fidgeted albeit nervously on the stage.
All of a sudden the silence that had fallen when she finished her performance was lifted abruptly by a loud chorus of booing and catcalls coming from the back of the auditorium. The laughter and insults echoed throughout the entire auditorium and slowly, like the spillage of water on a piece of paper, the laughter spread throughout the entire hall. Before she knew it the entire audience was laughing and booing her as she stood awkwardly on the stage, the microphone hanging loosely from her clammy hand. The laughter got louder and louder and as a red blush began to spread over her face, Robyn Lim quickly ran off the stage, the jeering of the crowd reverberating in her ears.
The next day when she approached her classroom apprehensively, she tried to hide her face behind the guitar she carried, embarrassed about her performance yesterday as it had resulted in her running off the stage due to the jeering of the crowd. She entered her classroom and quickly made her way to her desk at the back of the class, sitting down and placing the guitar in front of her in order to hide her face. The minute she set the guitar down on the table, the entire class shot amused glances at the small self-conscious transfer student. Robyn tried her best to ignore the piercing stares directed at her as she crossed and uncrossed her ankles nervously. Unfortunately, her attempt at camouflage was unsuccessful as a statuesque student made her way over to Robyn’s table.
“Hey newbie, where are you from?” the golden-blond haired girl asked casually, “I’m Stacy by the way. Stacy Sterman.”
Robyn’s eyes darted up to the blue eyes of the tall Caucasian in front of her. She could not help noting that Stacy’s eyes were an icy shade of blue and glinted unpleasantly. Nervously stuttering, Robyn introduced herself and immediately averted her gaze.
Stacy flipped back her long blond ponytail, pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes at Robyn before replying the black-haired girl in front of her.
“Huh, where’s that? In the middle of China or something?” she caustically replied, cueing a loud burst of laughter from the rest of her Caucasian classmates. Smirking she continued to terrorise the already timid girl in front of her. Robyn felt a rush of indignation as Stacy continued to insult her race and looks. Enough was enough she decided and stood up to face Stacy.
“You think you’re so great don’t you? What right do you have to believe that your race is superior compared to mine? I cannot believe that you are so narrow-minded and I am utterly embarrassed to even have a conversation with such a racist, simple creature like you.” Robyn heatedly retorted.
Stacy was completely unaffected by Robyn’s argument and continued to smile coldly. Leaning back slightly she called out to one of her cronies who was animatedly watching the heated exchange.
“Hey Lauren, remember yesterday during assembly there was this girl who sang some song, is it just me or does she look surprisingly like the newbie.” This comment caused the class to burst out into even more laughter as Robyn stiffened and glanced down at her guitar. Lauren laughed sycophantically and nodded her head before agreeing with Stacy.
“Yeah, it’s like totally her.” Lauren agreed.
Stacy laughed coldly, and trained her icy eyes on Robyn’s. Leaning forward she slowly and deliberately said, “Oh, I think I should be the one to be embarrassed to be in your presence. The performance yesterday was absolutely horrifying. Here’s some advice, newbie, please just stop singing. You’re only embarrassing yourself. Oh and by the way, please just go back to where you come from. You can’t sing and never will be able to.”
Cackling loudly, Stacy flipped her hair and walked back to her seat as the entire class laughed themselves silly at her witty statement. The arrival of the homeroom teacher saved Robyn from any further ridicule and she only slumped further in her seat as tears slowly leaked from her closed eyes.
~
Robyn wished that the next few days of her new school might no longer unlock even more insulting incidents but it was no use. Each day brought on another incident as Stacy had made it her goal to torture the transfer student. Over the days, Robyn began to slowly lose confidence in herself as she was constantly reminded of how she was inferior and could not carry a tune. The next few weeks were a living hell for Robyn and she began to long for the freedom she once felt in her own country.
The rhythmic strumming of the guitar allowed Robyn to slowly escape from reality and gave her shelter from the nastiness that everyday would bring. Music was her refuge and the only thing that kept her sane. Remembering her previous performances back home and the loud applauses and shouts for ‘encore’, she closed her eyes and began to sing. Her voice was melodic, smooth and flowed over multiple notes with ease but rough with lack of use. Suddenly as she was building up her voice and getting reading to belt out the start of the chorus, her voice squeaked and broke. Shocked, she repeated the last few lines of the verse and got ready to hit the chorus again when she dropped her pick into her guitar. Yelling in frustration, she retrieved it and re-attempted the song again and again.
Robyn had lost count of how many times she had failed to hit the correct notes and began to recall the various insults she had endured over the past few weeks. She screamed in frustration and tears began to stream down her face and she tossed her guitar into a corner of the room where is twanged its last twang. Clenching her fists in her dark hair she screamed out all the anger, loneliness, rejection, indignation, sorrow that she had felt over the past few weeks. The insults chased themselves around in her brain, constantly reminding her of what she wanted so badly to forget. She began to shake and her eyes began puffy from all her crying.
Raising her tear stained face she began to resign to her fate. She could not sing. She would not sing. She would stop fighting back. It was simply to exhausting and she did not want to do it anymore. Her eyes became glassy and glazed over as she slowly built a cage for herself, trapping herself in the mental cage that she built. She would no longer try to escape, to fight back, to be free, it was so much easier to accept that she was untalented as Stacy constantly emphasized. She smiled at the ceiling, her smile bordering on insanity. She sighed as she contemplated the fact that finally. Finally she was safe in her cage. Nothing could hurt her there as all the emotions she wanted to get rid of where outside the rusty bars, they could never reach her. She was free, so very free of them. She remained inside the prison, devoid of any emotions as she discarded them the minute she entered the cage. Finally. Finally she was safe. She felt happy. She realised that she was never able to sing in the first place. Singing was what had gotten her into this whole mess. She concluded that locking herself away from her singing was the safest thing to do, and so she did it.
Robyn Lim had sung her last note.
This bird shall sing no more.
It is even considered living, if you feel better off dead?
Sinking
Shes drowning, her arms flail helplessly as she tries to grasp on to that faint shred of hope. Shes sinking even faster. A burst of bubbles erupt around her as she screams for help. Her cries go unheard and she kicks out even harder in a desperate attempt to regain somesort of control over the situation. Her eyes sting and theres no way to tell where the tears end and where the water begins. The water holds on to her, steadily weighing her down. Her eyes once so vibrant and youthful, cloud over with the emotions she tries so hard to conceal. In one desperate last ditch effort she reaches her hands up to the surface of the water. She opens her mouth in one last cry of help, the plea going unheard in the deep unforgiving depths. Her eyes beg for someone to save her,
'Help, help, help...'
Lets imagine the same situation, just a little differently.
Shes drowning, her body weighed down with all that she knew and lost. Her arms hang limp at her sides as she slowly lets the weight of all that she tried to save,drag her down to the murky depths. A faint, deranged smile graces her lips as flickers of insanity dance in her shaded eyes. The drop is much faster than she imagined. Before long, its impossible to see where the water ends. The surface is long gone and shes engulfed in pure darkness. The only light comes from the steady glint in her eyes. Her eyes once so vibrant and youthful, cloud over with the emotions she no longer bothers to conceal. Shes gone inside and she knows it. A lost soul, beyond saving. Shes lost in the darkness, and this time it doesnt matter. She doesnt care anymore. Shes perfectly comfortable in the darkness, drowning in herself.
Sometimes i really feel like this. I feel like im drowning. And i don't even know where the dark ends and where the light begins. It feels like...choking on words i can't bear to say. Sinking much faster than expected. And there's nothing left to do.
I don't know where i'm headed.
I'm sick of feeling nothing.
It doesn't end does it.
How much further do i have to sink before i hit the bottom...
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