Memories can be Deceiving

Lucy could feel her lower lip trembling and she bit down hard on it for the third time that night. She would not cry. She had promised herself that much. As she sat there in a miserable, contemplative silence she thought,

This wasn't going the way she had anticipated it to.

The first meeting after five years wasn't supposed to go this way.

She was supposed to be the one he was thrilled to meet. He should be running up to her, enjoyed that they had managed to meet for the first time in ages. They should be laughing and reminiscing about the past. And yet the silence that spanned between the two of them was a clear indication that things were not going to go the way she had wistfully dreamed they would.

Folding her arms around herself she chanted "I will not cry, I will not cry, I will not cry." And for a fleeting moment she likened herself to the little engine that could. Except in her situation, no matter how hard she tried or tried to think about the situation positively, she couldn't.

The odds were never in her favour.

She was so much better than Lucy would ever be. In every possible way.

Lucy watched them from afar and felt her heart clench painfully in her chest.

He played with that girls hair, flipping it into her face before jumping back, avoiding her annoyed slap, and laughing loudly.

She remembered how, long ago, that had been her. The feeling of being replaced made her feel, if possible, even worse than before.

He used to walk past her in the hallway and they would discreetly exchange hi-5's without her classmates seeing, a grin which spoke of inside jokes shared after school, wide on his face as he gave her hand a secret slight squeeze before walking on. Her heart would always stutter feebly and then pick up the pace and race quickly and unevenly.

She missed those days.

Days where they ruled the world. Him on her side always.

'We were the Kings and the Queens'

Her knight in shining armour, they ruled the world they dreamt of for themselves.

Those moments in the hallway when they would exchange secret grins which masked the emotions that coursed through her veins. His eyes always seeking her out in the crowds, always making sure the bullies left her alone.

"'I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you.'

We were unstoppable. The whole world could have been against us but if you were with me it didn't matter. Because as far as I was concerned you were my world. " she thought bitterly, "What does it matter now that you've forgotten me."

The memory of him opening her window and climbing in to keep her company while her parents were out, bringing alone with him two game consoles to keep them occupied. Her face would heat up and as usual they would lapse into a casual banter about the day that had passed while her heart beat at an unsteady pace. He would always interrupt her with that loud, boisterous laugh of his. Loud. That was a character trait closely associated with him.

'There's not a day I don't miss those rude interruptions."

The day he moved next door to her, she had gone over to welcome him into the neighbourhood and they had lied side by side on the wooden bottom frame of the bed just talking. Now as she tried to recall what they were talking about she found that she could not remember. They just had far too many conversations to recall.

'Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes, tell myself its time now, gotta let go. But moving on from him is impossible when i still see it all in my head.'

It was almost like a plague of memories, bombarding her mind. She could still remember how he had put his jacket over their outstretched legs and in the silence of the library made her swear to marry him in the future.

Now as she watched them flirt casually she couldn't help but feel as if the past they shared was just a dream. Just one happy dream. It seemed almost as if she had imagined the whole thing. Dreams were so unreliable. Oh, memories can be deceiving.

She felt that bitterness spread through her body, feeling like an acid spreading through her body leaving a burning, sour feeling behind.

'I can live without you but, without you I'd be miserable at best.'

My childhood was perfect because of you, but where did you go?

I guess i did imagine the whole thing after all.